#Say or Nay – Part 2

I am certain that you all can imagine the suspense I am experiencing. It is absolutely horrendous for me. My life feels like a motion picture on pause. I should be the one to act the movie ‘Frozen’. I truly want to know what the immediate future holds for me.

Hm! I need to calm myself down. The worry does nothing for me; absolutely nothing but causes me some grief. I am making a mental note never to choose the part of worry whenever I have an enormous challenge before me.  It absolutely leads to no good and the recipient of all my thoughts cannot even feel it for a second.

I start to channel positive thoughts. I am Anu Banks #omosegunandsolabanks #ablessedchild #beautifullyandwonderfullymade #boldandbeautiful #conqueror #receiverofexcellentnews  #wifeofadewale

My last hash tag made me smile. One thing I know for certain is this: no matter what happens, I have confidence in the fact that God will take care of me and sort me out.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Breathe in! I do this. Breathe out! I do this also and repeat. Then I open my eyes and I found a pair of eyes studying me. I shrieked out loud.

Wale was leaning across the table where I sat staring at me and laughing. I laughed too but the shock was still on my face and my hands where over my mouth. I looked to my left and my right. Everyone was staring at us; including the security man standing by the entrance of the restaurant.

“Oh! ho! Sorry for the distraction!” I manage to say out loud in a singsong voice.

Wale laughs hard and sits down for a moment. He stares at me still; looking into my eyes as if he is trying to see my soul. I squirm a bit under his gaze.

“Let us get out of here,” He says. “Everyone looks too serious. I need a calm and relaxing atmosphere.”

He picks up my Chapman and guzzles it down. “Nice Chapman. Paid yet?”

I shake my head. He drops some Naira notes on the table, picks up my purse and my diary and beckons on me, “Oya get up now?”

I just stand up briskly and walk out of the restaurant with him, side by side. I like that he does not go ahead of me. Standing by my side and walking says a lot about him, yeah? I think so.

I am in state of oblivion and his sudden quiet countenance accommodates mine. I do not feel the urge to break the silence and it appears that he feels the same way.

Wale drives us to the beach side. Is this where I would jump into if our discussion goes south? No I must not think this way; I am Anu Banks after all.

The wind was howling like an old dog trying to sing a folktale. The atmosphere was beautiful and relaxing. I remove my shoes and sink my feet into the sand. Wale sits on the sand and I sit opposite him.

“Come close to me. You are not even near me at all. We are supposed to be cuddling at the beach. That is what lovers do.” He says.

I smile and scuffle close to him. Wale wraps his arms around me and I close my eyes. I want this forever, I say to myself. I lean into him and all my fears resurface at once. I cannot open my eyes because I am so terrified.

Wale who is in a rather calm and reflective mood notices the sudden change in my mood because his hands lift up my chin. “What is wrong?”

I did not answer. I am trying hard to control my breathing and the torrent of tears building up is not helping my situation.

“Anu, open your eyes and tell me what is wrong? Why are you like this today?”

I open my mouth to speak but words do not come out, instead I show him my tears. They run down like a waterfall.

Wale looks alarmed and pained, “please talk to me. Don’t you want this marriage? We can stop it if you don’t want It.” then he gets up and paces up and down. I just look up at him with apprehension. He looks upset. Very upset judging from the way he is pacing.

“Listen Anu, if you do not want to marry me, we can stop it. I can take care of it. Believe me; putting an end to this is not a problem.” He says and when I try to open my mouth, he continues, his voice is frantic at this point, “Listen, I know that we never defined our relationship and we put the cart before the horse. I take responsibility for this. I am obviously more experienced than you are at relationships but I allowed my own inhibitions to stop me from doing the right things. I also knew where you stood about sex before marriage and I should have stood with you also. I know this and I am sorry.”

I see that he is getting really worked up and I do not know whether to respond to what he just said or just tell him I lost the baby. I get up and he comes to me. Holding my hands, he falls on one knee and brings out a box. My people, I am confused. The confusion is in capital letters.   My eyes open wide like a saucer and my mouth is ajar.

“Listen Anu, this is me begging you now to give us a chance, not because of the baby but because we have something great going on and we can make it last; I am certain of this fact.  God willing.”

I laugh out loud and cry at the same time.  I kneel on the floor before him to meet him at his level. I felt like he unraveled himself before me. My brain registers that the scale which appeared one-sided was balancing. I got strength from the words he spoke to me. It was like balm for my weary heart. I look into his eyes and I see some fear. I smiled.

“Say something and stop staring at me like that,” he snapped.

I slap his arm. “I have something to tell you. Then I will respond to your proposal.”

I could feel him shake a bit. See how God just brought this man into my palms and created a balance. I am not alone anymore.  Wale nods.

“I had a miscarriage yesterday. I lost the baby.”

Wale grabs me and looks me up and down, “are you okay? Oh no! Did you see the doctor? Is that why you were so upset?”

I want to speak but he just goes on, “I know that this is not the right time to say this when grieving for a lost one but God will give us more children.”

By this time, we are both seated on the sand. He still had the ring in one hand and he is holding me with the other.

“I went to the hospital. I am fine.” I say. “Wale, I was afraid that you only wanted me because of the baby.”

“Now you know what I want, what do you want? Can you find a space in your heart for me?” He asks.

I laugh out loud. “A space! A space! There is no space!” I say. He suddenly looks downcast.

“No please. Don’t get me wrong. There is no space because you have taken it all. You consume my mind as if no other man exists. In fact at some point, I thought I was going crazy.”

Wale laughed with Joy,” Crazy sha, I was already in the crazy place a long while back but I just did not allow myself to enjoy it. Oya bring your finger jare, let me put a ring on it.” We both laughed and I give him my left hand. He pulls out a black and silver ring. I stare at the ring and looked at him. It was very weird ring. I have never seen anything like it.

“Babe, Its tungsten with some diamonds embedded inside. I thought you would love it. It is different from the usual and I chose it because you are different from the usual. And the diamonds, you know what they are.”

“I love it. It looks fabulous. You have great taste. I love you.”

“And I love you to the moon and back.” He pulls me close for an embrace and I am laughing out loud. This is my best moment ever. I worried for nothing. I pull away and take my phone out of my purse.

“What are you doing?” Wale asks.

“Watch me.” I say. I open my WhatsApp, take a snapshot of my left hand showcasing my beautiful ring and wrote ‘I am Anu Banks #Luckiestgirlintheworld #happiestmomentever #MrsAnuAladetobe #IyawoAdewale #Godisawesome’. I click the send icon and it goes to everyone on my WhatAspp including Wale. He opened his phone looked at it and laughed.

“Iyawo mi, let us go. We have a busy day tomorrow. We must rest today.”

I have never felt peace and joy like this and I know that it would last.